This is Dean Wadsworth Von Flumpher the Third here, and I’m putting all you college students under Dean’s Arrest! Over the years, instead of studying hard and falling in line, you have decided to spend your precious time and mental energy on brilliant, elaborate and diabolical pranks, which soil the reputation of the university! That’s why I’m flunking each and every one of you!!! Do I have proof? Oh, yes… ho ho ho… I most certainly do:
20. Princeton Water Gun Revenge
That poor student is trying to learn, not engage in water-based tomfoolery!
19. Computers In The School Library
Yes, computers are useful learning tools, but they must be silenced!
18. Car Hangs From Bridge
That was MY car. Grrrrrr!!!!
17. Pirates Hijack Commencement Ceremony
Pirates? Oh, the parents will have my head for this!
16. The Rubik’s Cube Test
This will not test the student’s mental aptitude!
15. Superman Leaves Class
This is college. There’s no room for comic books here!
14. Balloon Vs. Football Field
The big game is ruined. RUINED!
13. Dartmouth Yale Enthusiasts
You’re confusing the freshman. That’s a crime punishable by five years in Dean Prison!
12. The Ides of March
The works of William Shakespeare will not be tarnished. Not on my campus!
11. Very Elaborate Dorm Room Prank
Now how will he study, or use the facilities? This is utter chaos.
10. Orkin Man
You posed as a routine Orkin Man. Very clever, but make no mistake. You will be punished!
9. Ghostbusters In The Lecture Hall
Ghosts have no place within our lecture halls…
8. Pac Man In The Library
…or our libraries!!
7. Harvard Statue Becomes Monument For “Halo”
I’m not sure what a “video game” is, but I know I don’t like them!
6. Running Of The Bulls
This is not multicultural. I repeat, this is NOT multicultural!
5. Subway On The Roof
My poor dome… *sniff*
4. Harvard Sucks
The football game is ruined… AGAIN!
3. It’s Drinking Time!
All those perspective students… gone! Now I’ll never get their tuition checks… I mean, minds to mold.
2. Young Conan O’Brien vs. Burt “Robin” Ward
Mr. O’Brien, as an adult, you’re supposed to be setting an example for young people. For shame!
1. Teach!
A lecture hall turned into a musical?! Oh my… *FAINT*
That’s it. I quit! A dean just can’t win against you diabolical students. Enjoy your college rivalry videos and your movie themed college pranks, cause you won’t have Dean Flumpher to kick around any — whoooooooa! — *slips into pile of mud* — AAAAAGH!!!
This post was written by Geoffrey Golden, who regrets not having a dean adversary in college.
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