We’ve all seen the Tweets with the pound sign and some spacebarless nonsense afterwards. That’s a hashtag, and Twitterers try to get popular topics to gain steam by coming up with clever or popular ones. What people often don’t see, however, are the hashtags that never catch on.
1. #BringJonasBrosToGnawBoneIN: The small town of Gnaw Bone, Indiana wants the Jonas Brothers. Sadly only one of them has the Internet.
2. #PoignantEminemLyric: For some reason “Hi kids, do you like violence? Wanna see me stick nine inch nails to each one of my eyelids?” never quite touched an entire nation.
3. #GravitysRainbowReference: One Twitterer mused “Is Obama’s Social Security number the same as the serial of the Schwarzgerät?” Somewhere the author of “Gravity’s Rainbow” laughed, also a 15-year-old bookworm in Manhattan. That’s about it.
4. #turtlepower: Inspirational messages from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Perhaps never caught on due to 20 plus years of pop culture over-saturation. Perhaps never caught on due to gratuitous use of the word “tubular.”
5. #watergate: Updates on the Watergate scandal of the early ’70s. Includes gems like “Report confirms that one tape might still be in a drawer somewhere.”
6. #guavafetish: For those with a very specific sexual fetish – making love to guava fruit. So far, it’s just one guy in Iowa. May catch on when he appears on “Maury Povich” next week.
7. #ForRealsWizardMeetup2009: People with actual “wizard powers” tried organize a meetup. A professional hypnotist, a Harry Potter fan, and a 14-year-old who learned how to breathe fire on the Internet, met up in a food court of the Old Orchard Mall in Illinois. Never Twittered again.
8. #2012pancakeageddon: People who believe Armageddon will occur in 2012, and that it will involve eating a lot of pancakes. Started accidentally by unfortunate schizophrenic in Grand Rapids Iowa while at the local IHOP.
9. #HistoricalClaymationReenactments: Historical re-enactments captured on YouTube via clay and stop-animation. Someone got through eight minutes of the Battle of the Bulge before meeting a girl in real life and abandoning the project.
10. #RhinoDungRecipies: Recipes for rhino dung. First user threw up while typing and accidentally hit Enter key with heavy chunk of puke. Project abandoned.
11. #stegosaurusfurries: A hashtag to unite people who like to make love while wearing stegosaurus costumes. Only two users accidentally impaled each other on tails while in throes of passion.
12. #TelekineticTweet: Twittered evidence that telekinesis is possible, with the idea that the key is being pushed with someone’s mind. Never used.
13. #sentientfungus: Twitters written by sentient, free-thinking fungus in Wisconsin. Might just be a human resident of Sheboygan who knows what sentient means. Odds are higher that it is real sentient fungus.
14. #FoxBonerFail: Used by a solitary Twitterer who Googled “Megan Fox Pics” and failed to get a boner. A eunuch, he’d found a picture with bad lighting, and later he self-deleted the tweet when his genitals regenerated via Fox magic.
15. #NASArules: A campaign started by NASA to increase public interest in space travel during the recession. Typed once by NASA: “What if there are jobs on the moon? We won’t know until we look!” NASA was then unfollowed by 50,000 people. It had 1,000 followers.
16. #ShhLetsOverthrowObama: These treasonous Tweets were to organize a takeover of the government. Sadly these red-staters did not know police can check Twitter.
17. #vegetarianweightlifters: Abruptly discontinued when the originator’s arms snapped off.
18. #District9EroticFanFic: Someone had to write it. Well, they started, then they began convulsing at the horror.
19. #ChuckNorrisCant: Self-explanatory failure.
20. #NationalHealthcareForFerrets: Perhaps this is more of a second-term issue for our President.
21. #LaundryMakesMeFeelAlive: Single instance deleted when the Twittering housewife came down from her brandy buzz.
Love to Tweet? Check out our list of 10 Totally Surprising Musicians Who Twitter. On that note, where were you the day that Twitter died?
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