Before the ’80s, nerds were often stereotyped in film and television as annoying, brainy and unable to get girls. Okay, maybe that hasn’t changed entirely, but our hats off to director John Hughes for understanding the soul of the geek. In Hughes’ comedies, geeks weren’t just the nasally opposite of jocks, but rather, as regular kids who were maybe a little smarter and hornier than everyone else (and always played by Anthony Michael Hall). So in honor of his passing, let’s look at seven pieces of wisdom we geeks can take away from the films of John Hughes.
7. Computers Are Your (Sexy) Salvation
Back in the ’80s, computers were still relatively uncharted territory, and Hughes saw this as an opportunity for geeks. We like to think he was trying to get the geeks of the world to embrace their love of computers. “‘Use your giant math brains to conquer computers and all things will be yours. Your dreams will come true, and that includes the dreams that you wake up from… er, damp.” Okay, maybe you won’t be able to literally create a woman with a computer, like in “Weird Science,” but if you create a multi-million dollar social networking empire, the girls will follow.
6. It’s Okay To Get A Little High
Geeks aren’t known as rebel rule-breakers, but even a straight-A student like Brian Johnson from “The Breakfast Club” can cut-loose and smoke the occasional joint. It may even inspire an awesome essay.
5. Escape The Friendzone!
“Pretty and Pink” isn’t a coming-of-age story starring Molly Ringwald. It’s a horror movie about a dork named Duckie who gets seriously friendzoned. He had the entire movie to make his move, and instead he wavers, acts like her goofy gay pal and never gets his girl. FUUUUUU–
Don’t let this happen to you, fellow geeks. Don’t be a Duckie. (Clip starts at :59 seconds)
4. Pictures Or Else It Didn’t Happen
Ted in “Sixteen Candles” knows that no one will believe he drove around the inebriated prom queen around in a Rolls Royce unless there’s evidence. Whether you beat a video game or have an actual girlfriend in Canada, nothing ends an argument like photographs (unless, of course, they’ve obviously been PhotoShopped).
3. Fight Bullies With Fists Or Magic
A common nerd problem is bullies, but they can be dealt with. Gary and Wyatt in “Weird Science” start the movie as cowards, but they end up fending off a gang of mutant motorcycle punks! Geeks have got to pump up on their courage. If you can’t deal with the problem, just get your magic sex tutor to transform the bully into a slug monster. Problem solved.
2. Drinking Solves A Lot Of Problems
Trying to shed your virginity in high school? It can be tough for shy geeks, but there is one method in which a headgear wearing freshman can score with the gorgeous, blond prom queen, and that method is called “Drinking to Excess.” You may not remember it the next day (and wouldn’t it be hilarious if she got pregnant), but at least your geek-cherry has been popped.
1. Panties Are Awesome
When geeks focus on math and Star Wars, they can become world class experts at math and Star Wars. Likewise, if you focus your nerd brain on sex, you might find yourself with a pair of Molly Ringwald’s panties to show off. And let’s face it, panties are awesome.
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